End of an Era

Yesterday morning I nursed Charlotte for the very last time. Woo hoo! Do you have any idea how gloriously liberating it is to finally have your whole body entirely to yourself for the first time since May 2009? Glorious, I tell you. It's glorious. As many of you know, I have had a love-hate relationship with breastfeeding for the past 8 months. On the one hand, I believe breastfeeding is miraculous, amazing, and wonderful for mommy-baby bonding. On the other hand, it's confining, restrictive, often painful, and sometimes just plain gross (one word: leakage). Yes, I know, the American Academcy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends breastfeeding until the baby's first birthday, but the "experts" often fail to take into account the fact that every baby is incredibly weird and quirky. Charlotte--I swear--has weaned herself. As my mom pointed out, some babies just outgrow nursing. Others would happily nurse until their 18th birthday. Charlotte, on the whole, has always been a good little feeder. But the problem with breastfeeding? The darling baby can't look around. Her view is extremely limited (unlike a bottle). And Charlotte would rather see what's going on around her than eat. Did you hear that? She'd rather see what's going on around her than eat. I can't think of anything else she'd rather do than EAT! So for the past several weeks, the quality of our nursing sessions deteriorated. Instead of it being a close, bonding time for my baby girl and me, these sessions became power struggles filled with lots of exclamations like "Charlotte, concentrate on what you're doing!" "Charlotte, we have to go soon, FOCUS!" "Charlotte, there's nothing to see, please please please latch back on!" And so on. I had intended to nurse only until Charlotte began to get teeth. I had zero interest in "training" her to nurse without biting, like the AAP recommends. Of course, Charlotte is in the teeny tiny minority of babies who, at 8 months, has yet to have a tooth break through. Still, her delay in teething allowed me to nurse longer than expected. Odd as it sounds, I'm grateful for this. Although Charlotte was fed mostly via bottle and solids, I felt it was important for her to have that emotional closeness to her mommy that breastfeeding provides--so long as she seemed to want it. Many very sweet hours for both of us passed in this way. But, like I said, she outgrew it. And our last session yesterday was disastrous--in an amusing sort of way. I expected to be sad as this part of Charlotte's baby-ness came to a close, but her absolute lack of interest in nursing confirmed my decision. We were done! And guess what? When our little girl woke up soooooo early this morning, my awesome husband got up to get her. Why? She didn't have to nurse! Daddy can give a bottle just as easily as Mommy can! Which means I got to sleep in until 7:22 a.m.! So Day 1 of not breastfeeding at all is off to a fantastic start! Sure, a little piece of me is sad, but mostly I'm relieved and happy. It's done. Over. Until we start all over with kid #2, of course. . . . .