Me too.

The first time it happened, I was told by Campus Safety, "But . . . boys will be boys." And by someone else, "I guess that's what happens at a godless, liberal college." (For the record, the person was not a student.) That's what I got for speaking.

So what do we think happened the second time? On the DC metro coming home from work, when he sat next to me, opened a newspaper to hide what was happening, and went ALL the way up my skirt? Grabbed what he felt like grabbing? I quietly fled the metro car at the next stop (of course he made me climb over him to get out). I didn't make a sound. What did I expect? Boys will be boys.

Once my legs could hold me up, I boarded another metro train, got off at my stop, and bolted for the condo. When Chris got home, I tearfully told him. Poor guy, he didn't know what to do and asked me why I didn't speak up. Why didn't I throw a big fat fit on that crowded metro car?

Because, I couldn't tell him, probably because I wasn't connecting the dots yet, WHO WOULD CARE?

And we don't care. We really don't. When sexual assault of any sort happens, we wonder: Was she drunk? Was she asking for it? What did she expect?

I'll tell you what I expected. I expected to be able to sit on a bench in the quad of my beloved college during a summer program and get some reading done without someone sneaking up behind me solely to assault. 

I expected to come home from work on public transportation without someone sitting next to me solely to assault.

I expected the female Campus Safety officer to be as concerned as the male one. SHE is the one who said, "Boys will be boys." 

I expected not to be blamed. 

My expectations were off, I guess. Eventually I learned what to expect. 

Now, I expect nothing. I expect that a country of voters who thought that sexual assault--wait, no, BRAGGING about sexual assault--was forgivable enough to still get their vote will give zero shit. They will find a way to make it a moral failing of something beyond themselves: loose little hussies going to parties, women wearing a shirt that's too tight or a skirt that's too short. Sending the wrong message. Going to the wrong part of town. What did they expect?

Our society shrugging its shoulders when it comes to sexual assault? It gets a lazy "eh" from us because, really, we don't like women. We certainly don't trust them. We've got purity culture in many a church and legislation concerning women's bodies everywhere else to try to keep them in under control. In the meantime, boys will be boys. I mean, our own Cheeto-faced grabber-in-chief? He just can't help himself. 

Have I made you uncomfortable? It's okay. Just shrug your shoulders and go "eh." Just keep repeating the gesture. It will get easier the more you do it.