Infant Feeding

We interrupt the regularly scheduled peace–love–joy series for shameless self-promotion.

It’s no secret that the current breastfeeding pressure on moms is something I care deeply about—quite simply, it’s bad for women.

A fantastic, smart resource for moms who use infant formula (for myriad reasons) is Fearless Formula Feeder, which champions a supportive community for women who must or choose to formula-feed, battles the stigma associated with formula feeding, looks critically at research studies concerning breast milk vs. formula, monitors the media explosion that inevitably follows such research, keeps tabs on legislation that deliberately restricts women’s choices in infant feeding to raise breastfeeding rates, and (yes, believe it or not) encourages and promotes increased support for breastfeeding mothers who want to breastfeed—because it’s hard.

Obviously, I love the site, forum, and posts. So imagine my delight when I learned that a piece I wrote a couple months ago on combo feeding (i.e., both breast- and formula feeding) was posted last Friday on Fearless Formula Feeder. Most of the guest posts FFF uses are very compelling and often dramatic. I doubted mine would be selected—in fact, I almost didn’t write it in the first place, as I had no extreme NICU tale, no laundry list of physical woes (the babies or myself) that made breastfeeding impossible. Nope, all I had was the fact it was incredibly painful, my own initial cluelessness, and my absolute hatred of being guilted into being MOM ENOUGH to breastfeed, breastfeed, breastfeed. Besides, I thought, what formula feeders would want to read about a mom who, technically, breastfed? Without MAJOR issues?

But the more I thought about it, and the more I found myself directing mommy friends to Fearless Formula Feeder, I realized that my story was actually very, very common. So, I wrote it right after weaning Lorelei. For me, it was a cathartic process, and I learned a lot about myself as I weaned and wrote, weaned and wrote.

And I also got pissed. Because this breastfeeding vs. formula feeding shit should not be so awful! I’m a smart, second-time mom—with a freaking degree in women’s studies! I could SEE, both in my experiences and in those of my friends, how new policies and initiatives and general social pressure were HURTING moms. Oh, sure, a baby might be getting more breast milk (maybe), but at what cost?  And yet, despite being mad as hell, I bought into the breast milk-at-all-costs way, way too much. Hence my guilt and writing about it all! the! time! on this here blog, my (initial) panic when my pump broke, and, essentially, my sheer inability to put my money where my mouth was. Oh, I could bitch about Bloomberg and baby-friendly hospitals all the live-long day, but weaning almost psychologically killed me. WHEN I KNEW BETTER!

So, writing the FFF piece, for a mommy audience open to formula feeding, was, like I said, cathartic. By the end of the final revision (oh thank goodness I had the foresight to take my time and revise and fine-tune that sucker), I truly did not feel guilty about formula or weaning.

When I found out the piece had posted, I admit that I had a horrifying sense of post-writing vertigo: OH GOOD LORD, WHAT HAD I WRITTEN? It had been, after all, months. I couldn’t remember. I clutched Chris’s hand as I re-read my post, seeing my words on someone else’s blog. I got to the end and pretty much melted in relief. For starters, I was not humiliated by the writing and could proudly, several months later, stand by every word. In fact, I was actually quite proud. Second? I was so glad I had documented my breastfeeding saga right at the point at which I had just weaned kid #2 but with enough distance from the horrible days to make sense of what breastfeeding my girls meant, particularly in our current are-you-mom-enough, breastfeeding-pressure climate. I think I accurately captured it. The more distance you get, the more you forget.

I so hope that some mommies out there find the piece useful in teasing out their own breastfeeding or bottle-feeding relationship with their baby (or babies) from what everyone tells them to do. I hope that whether moms exclusively breastfeed, combo feed, or exclusively formula feed (or any combination therein—let’s not forget those god-forsaken pumps), those who read the post feel more supported.

Really, I just hope the post does some GOOD.