Working

So, I returned to work. This time around, I luckily skipped the majority of angst-ridden conflicted feelings about it that I experienced with Charlotte. Part of this, I’m sure, is due to the fact that Lorelei is still at home. (Until Lorelei begins school on February 1st, my mother-in-law is here for the first half of January to care for her, and my mom will be here for the second half.) Another significant factor? Been there, done that. Although being a working mum of TWO children is still very new territory for me, being a working mum—in general—isn’t.

 My first two days back to work were a breeze. My folks were in town for Christmas, and Charlotte and Lorelei both stayed at home with them. The office was practically empty, I got let go at 1:00 on Christmas Eve, and traffic was nonexistent. Really, the biggest hurdle was pumping.

 I loathe pumping at work. Actually, I loathe it no matter what, but I really hate doing it at work.

 Anyhoo, I then had Christmas break off, as our offices were closed. I returned to work again on Wednesday, January 2nd.

 It was an awful launch to 2013.

 The night before, Charlotte woke up and proceeded to puke her poor little heart out. It was a long, messy night of laundry, sheet-changing, jammies changing, and soothing my girl. Of course, the hysterical crying woke up Lorelei at 1:00 a.m., so she needed a feeding and to be put down again. No biggie, since I was already up with Charlotte.

 So, we were up literally all night, between the two kids. I already was battling a minor cold, but now I felt pretty queasy myself and had a hell of a headache. I was just dreading coming down with the same stomach bug (all 3 of us annually get the stomach flu, all at once), especially while breastfeeding and with zero sick leave available (I used every minute I had on maternity leave). I had no idea how I’d survive Wednesday. And I worried about Lorelei catching the bug, especially because there was no way in hell I was willing to steer clear of my sick Charlotte, depriving her of mommy soothing, and breastfeeding the littler one requires a whole lot of closeness as well. I was picturing virus germs hopping to me from Charlotte, like grasshoppers, and then bouncing onto my vulnerable baby.

 Feeling like death warmed over, I got ready for work on Wednesday morning, still debating if I was backing myself into a corner by going in. I’ve gotten very, very sick at work before, and my commute ain’t short.

 I decided to try.

 Lorelei still wasn’t awake, so I had to pump instead of nurse her. I left without even holding her, which broke my heart. And having sick Charlotte say, “Stay with me, Mommy!” didn’t help. Emotionally, I don’t know how I made it out the door. (Chris stayed home with Charlotte, so his mom could focus on Lorelei.)

 During the drive in, I almost pulled over to (a) throw up, and (b) turn around and go home. But again, no sick leave. At work, I queasily went through e-mail, my head spinning and feeling like I might pass out. Oh, what had I done? Now how would I drive myself home?

 I decided to wait for the first wave of puking and then make a beeline for my car during the 1-minute reprieve that usually follows throwing up. I forced myself to focus on an author’s chapter.

 No puke.

 Then, miraculously, the queasiness began to ebb. Slowly, I felt better and better. I was even getting work done! By 10:30, I felt normal—I mean, dead tired and battling a heck of a tension headache, but hey! I was functional! And utterly overjoyed.

 I got through the day remarkably productively, with the exception of pumping. I’m not sure if it was because I was running on no sleep while simultaneously fighting disease, but the milk output was pathetic. (It improved the next day.) When you go through SO MUCH TROUBLE to generate milk for your baby at work, seeing only a couple ounces is incredibly disheartening. So, we busted into the freezer stash. Hey, that’s what it’s there for, right?

 Meanwhile, Chris called and informed me that our girl had a 102-degree temperature and wouldn’t eat. This broke my heart. Fortunately, Lorelei was still totally normal. (Chris’s mom kept her separated from Charlotte as much as possible, and so far, it seems to have worked.)

 I finally got home and immediately grabbed Charlotte, carried her upstairs, and got into our bed. She snuggled against me, and we watched part of the TinkerBell movie together before Chris and I force-fed her ibuprofen (oh, the screaming!) prior to bed. Once she was down, I changed out of my work clothes (in case Charlotte had infected them, I figured new clothes would help protect Lorelei), and switched to dealing with Lorelei. Chris’s mom mentioned that she thought Lorelei missed “real” nursing, and she appeared to be right, so I indulged my littlest girl, even though she wasn’t really due to eat. Eventually, a little past 8:00, I got that kid down, too. Then I fell asleep on the couch. My mother-in-law instructed us to just go to bed and handled the dishes, not to mention a lot of the laundry. Bless her.

 Thursday went significantly better, and Chris and I were thrilled that nobody else—Lorelei, his mom, himself, or moi—seems to have gotten sick. Hooray! Chris stayed home with Charlotte another day, I got myself through another day at work, and Friday was more “normal,” with Charlotte (oh so happily) going to school.

So, our morning and evening routines have some glitches to work out. Getting Lorelei fed AND Charlotte ready to be able to leave by 6:40 a.m. is not easy. Chris got a little too used leaving late each morning during my maternity leave, and I haaaaaaate to leave late. Also, in the evenings, we need to better time Lorelei going down. I eventually want her down between 6:30 and 7:00, so I need to get that routine and feeding timing streamlined, while also dealing with Charlotte’s evening routine and working around Chris’s new running regimen (he’s taking up running to improve his health, which I’m ALL for). And we have to squeeze in dinner for us at some point. Me, I want to knock items out as quickly as possible when we get home, so I can GO TO BED at an early hour—I mean, I have to get up at 5:00 a.m, and there’s a good chance I’ll be dealing with a late-night feeding at some point. Chris—and he will freely admit this—is the King of Dilly Dallying. Even his mom was asking him, “Are you going to run tonight or not?” (He was dress and ready to go FOREVER, but actually GOING was taking quite some time.)

In the meantime, we’re tweaking parts of the morning and evening routines. My goal is that by February 1st, Lorelei’s first day of school, we’ve got everything streamlined.

Getting there? That’s what January is for.