What's in a Name?

What’s in a name?

Oh, lots. For one, it tells the world precisely how moronic your parents are.

On the baby blog to which I belong and that I definitely shouldn’t read (it leads to posts like this), I’ve been doing my duty to American society by attempting to stem the tide of idiotic names being selected by parents. The typical post goes something like this (note that I have used spelling, grammar, and punctuation similar to an actual baby blog post):

Mom expecting kid #8: hey girlz, what names like you best? lyra, layla, leesa? Judgmental Ashley's comment on the baby blog: I like Leila, not Layla; Lisa, not Leesa. And Lyra? What the--? Mom expecting kid #7: my bf [read: boyfriend] doesnt like this name but i like it it, the names Tevin, what do you think

Judgmental Ashley's comment on the baby blog: It’s like Kevin with a “T.”

I’m convinced that some of the so-called “trendy” spellings of names really just come down to Americans being horrifyingly bad spellers who try to cover up their stellar elementary education in the name of “creativity.” Riiiiight. Here are some of my favorites: 

Alivia (instead of Olivia)
Alexus (instead of Alexis) Britnee (instead of Brittney/Brittany—or even the delightful Ms. Spears, Britney)
Britanni (see above)
Karleigh (instead of Karly/Carley)

Then there’s the plain ridiculous: Kieryn Preslyn Rowynn Trestin Paz Of course, to be fair, some of these moms have come up with perfectly adorable names: Chloe Rose, Katherine Aubrey, Abigail Lynn, Maya Elizabeth, and Elijah James. Also, I have to give people credit for advertising their future offspring’s names. It’s tricky business, letting the world know your child’s name before he or she is even born. Why? Because until the little darling actually exists outside of the womb, folks feel free to air their opinions. (The fact that I’ve devoted the first half of this post to judging the names of the unborn proves this).

That said, Chris and I have chosen a name for our baby girl. It’s a name that I’ve loved for a long, long time. After we found out we were having a girl, Chris and I discussed other name options to be certain this particular name was still our favorite. We loved the name Madeleine, but it has become too popular and its spelling has been utterly butchered by trendiness. I liked Elizabeth, but hate Liz, Lizzy, Betty, or Beth. I also really liked Caroline, but Chris just didn’t care for it—at all. I loved the name Margaret, but we have a niece named Maggie (a variation of the name Margaret). Although my brother- and sister-in-law swore up and down that they had no problem with us using the name Margaret, it seemed prudent to go with a totally separate name.

Chris liked Chloe and Isabelle (I think Isabelle was my mom’s favorite), both of which I liked just fine, and I adored the name Olivia. But a little research on the Social Security Administration’s website revealed that all of these names were in the top 20 girls’ names in the last year or two, and I really, really didn’t want a super popular name.

After more discussion, Chris and I faced facts. There was no other name that we liked better than the one we had initially picked out. Although 95% of you probably already know this, Chris and I have decided to name our little girl Charlotte Marie.

Some folks have loved it (and if they haven’t, they’ve hidden their distaste very well), and others have bluntly declared they hate it. We’ve been told it’s too “harsh” sounding, and we’ve been told it sounds too “old and uptight.” (Ummm, hellooo? Have you met us? That fits our little family perfectly. I actually took that one as a compliment.) One friend has declared that she hates the name so much that she will call Charlotte something else completely. Just try it.

So, how did we come up with Charlotte? Well, many years ago (we were still in college), I was trying to help Chris come up with a name for his car. I decided the car was female and blurted out names as I thought of them. When I came to Charlotte, Chris perked right up. “I like that name a lot,” he said. I paused. So did I. A LOT. And then I flashed forward, say 6 or 7 years, and thought, What if someday Chris and I get married and have kids and have a girl and want to name her Charlotte? This car will always have had that name first. So I declared the name too good for a car and we went with something like Myrtle.

We also liked the name Charlotte because we didn’t want a name that easily lends itself to a nickname. Sure, some people call the Charlottes of the world things like “Lottie,” “Lotta,” or “Charley.” And I’m sure my father will use the phrase “Charlotte the Harlot” at least once. (But only once.) Yet these nicknames are quite rare. Most women named Charlotte still go by Charlotte.

Then there’s my favorite author in the whole wide world: Charlotte Brontë. I love her. Jane Eyre changed the entire course of my life. Need I say more?

Finally, and most importantly, we wanted a name that screamed strength, competence, confidence, capability, and independence. These are the traits we hope our daughter will have. We didn’t want to go down the cute, trendy, or hyper-pretty feminine name road. These are all unreliable things that fade with time.

Charlotte’s middle name, Marie, was a no-brainer. Chris and I had agreed that if we had a boy, we’d use a middle name from his side of the family. If we had a girl, we’d choose a name from my side. Marie was the name of my maternal grandmother, who passed away about a year before I was born. Although I never met her, I’m told she was exceedingly intelligent, frighteningly sharp and witty, and one of those women “before her time.” I’m also told she had excellent fashion taste. Marie is my middle name as well, and I felt very strongly that this name should go into the next generation of (dare I hope?) uppity women. So there you have it: Charlotte Marie Hofmann.